What to include in an obituary: and what you can leave out

One of the most common questions people have when writing an obituary is simply: what is supposed to go in it? Is there a formula? What do you have to include? What can you skip?

The short answer is that there is no single required format. Different newspapers, funeral homes, and families have different conventions. But there are elements that appear in most obituaries for good reason, and others that are entirely optional.

Here is a practical guide to help you decide what belongs in yours.

What almost every obituary includes

Full name and age

Start with who the person was: their full legal name, any maiden name, and their age at death. If they went by a nickname, include it. "Margaret Rose Sullivan (Peggy), 81." This helps people confirm they have found the right person, especially in a newspaper or online search.

Date and place of death

When and where they died. The location can be general: "at home in Richmond, Virginia" or "at St. Mary's Hospital." Use whatever level of detail feels right for your family and the circumstances.

Survivors

Who they leave behind. The standard order is spouse or partner, then children and their spouses, then grandchildren, then great-grandchildren, then siblings. You do not have to list every name if the family is large. "Her four grandchildren" is entirely acceptable.

What most obituaries include but is technically optional

Date and place of birth

Many obituaries include birth date and birthplace, but this is not required. Some families prefer to include it. Others feel it places too much emphasis on the bookend dates rather than the life in between.

Career and accomplishments

What they did professionally, any military service, community involvement, education, or notable achievements. Keep this proportionate to its role in their identity. Someone who defined themselves through their work deserves more space here than someone whose real life happened outside of it.

Personal qualities and what they loved

This is the part that makes an obituary feel like a real person rather than a form. A sentence or two about who they were, their humor, their generosity, what they loved, what they were known for, is what people will actually remember reading. It is optional in the technical sense but essential if you want the obituary to mean something.

A favorite memory or characteristic detail

Increasingly, obituaries include a brief anecdote or specific detail that brings the person to life. "She grew tomatoes every summer and gave them to anyone who stopped long enough to accept them" is more memorable than any list of accomplishments.

What you can leave out

The cause of death

You are under no obligation to include how someone died. Many families choose not to, especially in cases of suicide, overdose, or deaths that carry stigma. "Passed away peacefully" or simply "died" is completely sufficient.

Estranged family members

If there are family members who are not part of the person's life, you do not have to include them in the list of survivors. You also do not have to explain their absence.

Negative information

An obituary is not the place for scores to be settled or grievances aired. Things that were private in life can remain private in death.

Every distant relative

You do not have to list every cousin, nephew, and in-law by name. "Also survived by many beloved nieces, nephews, and extended family" covers it gracefully.

Length

Most newspaper obituaries are 150 to 250 words due to publishing costs. Online obituaries can be longer, typically 400 to 600 words, and allow for more personal detail. Our free writing tool generates a version of approximately 150 words, which works well for a newspaper or as a starting point for a longer tribute.

One last thought

The conventions of obituary writing exist because they work. But the people who break them thoughtfully often write the most memorable tributes. If something feels important to include that does not fit the standard format, include it anyway. It is your tribute. It should sound like it.