If you have a blank page in front of you and a list of facts that somehow does not feel like the person, start smaller. An obituary needs to tell readers who died, but the part people remember is usually one or two details that make the person recognizable.
Write the factual skeleton first. Then add the human part.
How do you start an obituary?
Begin with the person's full name, age if you want to include it, place of residence or a meaningful location, and the date of death. You can include the place or cause of death if the family wishes, but neither is required.
You do not need a poetic first sentence. A clear opening gives you somewhere to stand.
What comes after the opening?
Move into the parts of life that mattered. That may include where the person grew up, work, military service, education, family, community, faith, hobbies, travel, friendships, or the routines everyone associated with them.
Do not try to give equal space to every decade. An obituary is not a résumé with dates attached.
How do you make an obituary sound personal?
Replace broad adjectives with evidence. Instead of saying someone was "kind and generous," write what they actually did: brought soup to sick neighbors, answered every 2 a.m. phone call, kept spare gloves in the car for anyone who forgot theirs, or never let a grandchild leave without food.
Small habits often do more work than big praise. The scratched coffee mug, the tomato garden, the weekly phone call, or the fact that they knew every dog's name on the block can make a paragraph feel like a person.
How much family information should you include?
Families commonly list close survivors and people who died before the person, but there is no universal rule. Decide whose names matter to the family and what level of detail is appropriate.
Double-check spelling, marriages, stepfamily relationships, chosen family, and anyone whose omission could cause unnecessary hurt. If the family structure is complicated, accuracy matters more than forcing everyone into a traditional formula.
For a detailed checklist of fields and optional details, see what to include in an obituary.
Do you have to include the cause of death?
No. Some families name the illness or circumstances directly, some use broader wording, and some leave the cause out entirely. Consider privacy, the wishes of the person who died, and whether including the cause serves a useful purpose.
How do you mention the funeral or memorial?
Include the date, time, location, and whether the gathering is public or private. If flowers, donations, dress, parking, livestream information, or another instruction matters, make it easy to find near the end.
How long should an obituary be?
Long enough to do its job. Newspaper pricing may force a short version, while a funeral-home or family website may allow much more space. If cost is a concern, create a concise public notice and keep a longer version for the memorial website or family records.
What should you leave out?
Avoid information that creates unnecessary privacy or security risks, such as a vacant home address, detailed financial information, account numbers, or anything the family does not want permanently public. Also leave out facts you have not verified.
Can an obituary be funny?
Yes. If humor was part of the person's life, a dry line or familiar story can belong there. The test is whether people who knew them would recognize the voice and whether the joke still works for readers who are grieving.
How do you write an obituary when the relationship was difficult?
You can be respectful without inventing closeness that did not exist. Stick to accurate facts, choose neutral language where needed, and do not use the obituary to resolve family history in public.
Our article on grief after a complicated relationship may help if the writing is tangled up with mixed feelings.
A simple obituary structure
- Opening announcement
- One or two paragraphs about the person's life
- Specific details that show personality
- Family and important relationships
- Service or memorial information
- Donation, flower, or other final instructions
How do you edit the final draft?
Read names, dates, locations, and service details separately from the prose. Ask another person to verify the facts. Then read the obituary aloud. Awkward phrases are easier to hear than to see.
If a sentence sounds like something nobody in the family would ever say, rewrite it in plainer language.
What if you still cannot get started?
Write five facts and five memories. Do not try to make them elegant. That is enough material for a first draft, and you can shape it afterward.
You can also use our free obituary writer to turn the details you provide into a draft you can edit.
You can write some of this before it is needed
The Thoughtful Goodbye includes the practical planning that helps families find names, wishes, stories, and important details later.
See what's inside the book →