Writing an obituary can feel much harder than it looks. You may know the person better than almost anyone and still have no idea how to turn a lifetime into a few paragraphs.
Start with the facts. You do not need to find beautiful words before you begin.
An obituary usually becomes easier once you separate the job into smaller pieces: announce the death, describe the person's life, name the people who mattered, add a few details that sound like them, and finish with any service information.
You can make it warmer and more personal once the basic structure is on the page.
If you are still gathering names, dates, family information, and other details, start with our what to include in an obituary checklist.
If the first sentence is what has you stuck, see how to start an obituary for opening-line examples you can adapt.
Step 1: Gather the facts before you start writing
Before trying to write complete sentences, collect the information you are likely to need.
At minimum, write down:
- Full name
- Age, if you plan to include it
- City or community
- Date of death
- Important family relationships
- A few important parts of the person's life
- Funeral, memorial, or celebration-of-life information, if applicable
You may also want birth information, education, military service, career history, hobbies, volunteer work, faith community, and other details.
Do not worry about putting anything in the right order yet.
This is just your working pile of information.
If several family members are helping, this is also a good time to verify names and relationships rather than discovering a misspelling after the obituary has been published.
Step 2: Write a simple opening sentence
The first sentence does not need to summarize the person's life.
Its job is simply to tell the reader who died.
A traditional opening might look like this:
You can make the opening a little warmer if that feels more natural:
Or you can keep it very simple:
There is no requirement that you say someone "passed away," "went home," or "entered eternal rest." Those phrases are fine if they fit the person and family, but "died" is also completely acceptable.
Use the wording that sounds natural to you.
What if you cannot figure out how to start?
Write the plain version first.
Name. Age. Place. Date.
You can come back to it later.
Many people get stuck because they are trying to write the perfect opening before they have written anything else. There is no reason the first sentence you type has to be the first sentence you keep.
Step 3: Write about the person's life
After the opening, give the reader some sense of the life the person lived.
You do not need to cover every year.
You might mention:
- Where they grew up
- Education
- Military service
- Work or career
- Marriage or family life
- Faith
- Community involvement
- Volunteer work
- Hobbies
- Travel
- Places that mattered to them
- Things they were known for
Choose the parts that actually mattered.
Someone may have worked at the same company for 35 years and cared deeply about that work. Someone else may have considered work something they did so they could spend weekends fishing.
The obituary should reflect the person, not a standard résumé format.
Example
Instead of:
you might write:
The employment fact is still there. Now Robert is there too.
Step 4: Add details that make the person recognizable
This is often the difference between an obituary that is accurate and one that actually sounds like the person.
Broad words such as loving, kind, generous, devoted, and wonderful may all be true. The problem is that they could describe almost anyone.
Look for evidence.
Instead of writing:
you might write:
Instead of:
you might write:
Small details work.
Think about:
- Favorite sayings
- Foods
- Pets
- Music
- Hobbies
- Habits
- Family traditions
- Things they collected
- Places they returned to
- Things they were unusually good at
- Things the family teased them about
- The routine everyone knew not to interrupt
You do not need ten of these. One or two can be enough.
Step 5: Write about family and important relationships
Families commonly include the people who survive the deceased and sometimes those who died before them.
There is no single required order.
You might write:
People who died earlier can be included separately:
Real families can be complicated.
Stepchildren, step-grandchildren, adopted family, foster relationships, chosen family, long-term partners, and close friends may belong in the obituary too.
If you are unsure how to handle stepfamily, chosen family, former partners, estranged relatives, or the order of names, see who should be included in an obituary. For the broader checklist of details to gather, see what to include in an obituary.
Step 6: Decide whether to mention the cause of death
You do not have to include the cause of death.
Some families want it stated clearly. Others consider it private.
If you include it, use accurate information and wording the family is comfortable making public.
You might write:
Or:
Or simply leave the cause out.
An obituary can be complete without explaining why someone died.
Step 7: Add funeral or memorial information
If there will be a public service, include the practical information near the end of the obituary.
That might include:
- Visitation
- Funeral
- Memorial service
- Celebration of life
- Graveside service
- Reception
- Livestream information
Give the date, time, and location, and make it clear if the service is private.
For example:
Double-check these details before publishing.
A beautiful obituary with the wrong service time is still a problem.
Step 8: Add flowers, donations, or other requests
If the family prefers charitable donations, you can include that after the service information.
For example:
You can also include flower instructions, cultural requests, dress preferences, or another detail people attending the service should know.
Keep this section practical.
Step 9: Decide how to end the obituary
There is no required closing sentence.
You can simply end after the service or donation information.
You can also finish with something personal.
For example:
Or:
You do not need a dramatic final statement.
A small, specific detail often feels more honest.
What is the usual format for an obituary?
A simple obituary format looks like this:
- Announcement of the death
- Short description of the person's life
- Personal details or memories
- Family and important relationships
- Funeral or memorial information
- Donation, flower, or other final information
That is a structure, not a rule.
You can move things around if another order reads more naturally.
A simple obituary example
Here is what those pieces can look like when they are put together:
Maria Elena Torres, 78, of Richmond, Virginia, died on August 4, 2026, surrounded by her family.
Born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Maria moved to Virginia as a young woman and made Richmond her home for more than 50 years. She worked as an elementary school secretary for nearly three decades, where generations of children learned that her desk usually contained both Band-Aids and peppermint candy.
Outside of work, Maria loved gardening, old bolero music, and feeding people. She believed most problems could be improved with coffee and something to eat, and she rarely allowed anyone to leave her kitchen empty-handed.
She is survived by her husband of 54 years, Daniel; her daughters, Elena Ruiz and Sofia Torres; four grandchildren; her brother, Luis; and many nieces, nephews, cousins, and friends. She was preceded in death by her parents, Antonio and Rosa, and her sister, Carmen.
A celebration of Maria's life will be held Saturday, August 15, at 2 p.m. at River Road Community Church in Richmond. The family will receive visitors beginning at 1 p.m.
Those wishing to remember Maria may make a donation to Feed More in Richmond.
The details are fictional, but notice that the obituary does not try to sound grand. It gives the facts and then adds enough detail for Maria to feel like an actual person.
How long should an obituary be?
There is no ideal word count.
A newspaper obituary may need to be short because the publication charges by length. A funeral-home page, memorial site, or family website may allow much more space.
A short obituary might be only a few hundred words.
A longer obituary can take more time to tell the person's story.
Do not add information simply to make it longer, and do not remove the one story everyone loves simply because you think an obituary is "supposed" to be brief.
If cost is an issue, you can publish a shorter notice in the newspaper and a longer version online.
What should you leave out?
Avoid information that creates unnecessary privacy or security problems.
That includes things such as:
- Account numbers
- Financial information
- Passwords
- Information showing that a home will be empty during a funeral
- Medical details the family does not want public
- Facts about the death that have not been verified
You also do not need to include every difficult chapter of the person's life.
An obituary is not a legal biography.
For a more detailed discussion of what belongs and what does not, see what to include in an obituary.
Can an obituary be funny?
Absolutely, if humor sounds like the person.
Someone who was funny in life does not necessarily need to become solemn on paper.
A familiar joke, dry observation, or funny habit can work well.
The question is whether the humor feels affectionate and whether people who knew the person would recognize it.
If a joke depends on embarrassing someone else or reopening a family argument, leave it out.
How do you write an obituary when the relationship was difficult?
You do not have to create a version of the relationship that never existed.
You can be respectful and still be truthful.
Stick to facts where necessary. Use neutral language. Include the parts of the person's life you can write about honestly.
You are not required to describe someone as a "beloved father" if that does not reflect the relationship.
And you do not need to use the obituary to explain the entire family history either.
Sometimes simple, accurate language is enough.
Our article about grief after a complicated relationship may also help if writing the obituary is bringing up feelings that do not fit the usual expectations around grief.
How do you edit an obituary before publishing it?
Do two separate edits.
First, check the facts:
- Names
- Spellings
- Dates
- Ages
- Family relationships
- Locations
- Service information
- Donation information
- Links
Ask another person to check those details if possible.
Then read the obituary for voice.
Read it aloud.
If a sentence sounds stiff when you say it, make it simpler.
If something sounds like a phrase nobody in your family would ever use, change it.
And if the obituary sounds like it could have been written about almost anyone, add one specific detail that belongs to this person.
What if you still cannot get started?
Do this:
Write down five facts and five memories.
Do not turn them into sentences yet.
Your list might look like:
Facts
- Born in Richmond
- Married 42 years
- Two children
- Worked as an electrician
- Served in the Navy
Memories
- Made pancakes every Sunday
- Loved old westerns
- Fixed everyone's cars
- Called his sister every evening
- Hated wearing a tie
Now you have something to work with.
Choose the facts that establish the person's life and one or two memories that sound like them.
That is enough to start an obituary.
You can also use the free obituary writer to turn the information you provide into a first draft and then edit it until it sounds right.
You can write some of this before it is needed
The Thoughtful Goodbye includes the practical planning that helps families find names, wishes, stories, and important details later.
See what's inside the book →